Movement

Thoughts on pain

And now we’re going to sprint. What? Oh poop. But I’m a goalie. Oh. I have to be in shape too? Right. Is this going to hurt? Yup. Ow. *Pant, pant, pant* You mean I have to now go put on my goalie gear? And work? I’m getting too old for this. ‘Good stop’. ‘Nice save’. Ohhhh…should have stopped that. . Corners. We’re done. Sigh. Need shower. Now. zzzzz

So this is why we get long vacations…

I’m pooped. Yes, pooped. I am ready for half-term which comes in 2 weeks as it’s been a bit crazy here at school. Loads of meetings, lots of responsibilities come up…just a ton! I’ll just take a few deep breathes and make it through. Sigh.

This weekend I finished up all my grading (16 papers and a few extra credit assignements). While some of the reading was truly interesting, after a few years of teaching, you get to read the same old, same old. I suppose I should look on it as an opportunity to revisit the topic and remember all that I know. At least I was done before dinner so that R. and I could go out for a drink in Hampstead with friends (2 birthday celebrations). Tried a bitter, which while nice, definitely did not sit as well with me as a lager does. I think I’ll stick to lagers. (never thought I’d think so much about beer when I lived in the States).

zzzzzzzzzzz…promise to post more another day….just too tired

Ya bitch, ya moan and then you eat

Thursday night was one of utter frustration in some ways and great in others. I met up with some fellow UKYankees at Wagamama. It was fun to hang with a few people I hadn’t seen a while and to meet a few new ones. Very nice people. The food was good too…something about slurping up noodles with your chop sticks (no talent) makes for a night of good fun. But I was supposed to meet Roy afterwards. He was going out with some work people for his birthday. He should never have planned on meeting me…cause they kept him out later than he thought…and he’s a bit of a wimp at times - didn’t want to say, no, I have to leave. So I got very angry with him. It kinda felt similar to our relationship situation. He can’t ‘hurt’ the other people so instead he hurts me. He seems to choose them and not me. And I told him that. He ended up at mine and we talked a bit - but it definitely points that we need some help talking all of this through, cause the waiting thing and the parent thing is really pissing me off.

Last night was a good one though - I made him leg of lamb for his birthday dinner. It was so rich and lovely. Very pleased, I must say. And he loved all his clothing pressies. Great end of evening if I say so myself too…

The Girlfriends

I went last night to see the movie Memoirs of a Geisha. It was absolutely amazing. I had read the book when it came out and loved that. I was interested to see the quality of the movie and I am glad to say that it spoke volumes! It’s a must see movie. I went with two women who are dating friends of R. It’s very funny to become friends with the girlfriends. It’s never happened before. And it’s not like we have anything in common, but it’s just easier - cause then our guys can hang out when we hang out and vice versa. It’s kinda supportive, though I wouldn’t quite call them my ‘friend’ right now. Working on it…

Now on the negative side I didn’t get home until about 11:30pm and ended up waking up at 5:00am. Not sure why…didn’t even have to pee…but there I was. I stayed in bed, cat napping until I heard my flatmate around 6am. I then got up and got ready. We had to be at work early anyway for a 7:45am all-school meeting. Not great news…but can’t really talk about it here. Let’s just say that I could be very busy in the upcoming few months…

Big bad bed…

It was weird to spend the night at my flat. See I’ve been basically spending every single night at R’s since December 16th. Both my flatmate & I went on vacation starting that day until about Jan 2…she returned and the following day her cousin and two friends showed up - so I gave up my bedroom. They stayed over 2 weeks. And then R. & I had all these intense conversations started so I didn’t want to sleep away from him. But last night I did…he had football (soccer in the States) and then was going to his parents to meet up with his cousin who had just flown in from India. So it made sense.

When you are used to sleeping with another person - and I don’t mean sex, I truly mean just sleeping, it’s weird not to have a warm body next to you. You get used to the noises they make, the little bumps in the night. I even woke up in the middle of the night about the same time that R. usually has to use the loo. And it was tough not to have my early morning cuddle and kiss. I miss that most of all. Two more nights of it - I’m seeing a movie tonight and going out with friends for dinner on Thursday. It’ll be fun to see other people…but…sigh.

The ‘old married couple’

I’ve been in relationships where it feels like it’s a struggle to communicate. There may be passion, may be interest…but somehow you just can’t connect in so many ways and it makes things so hard. That’s not what I have now…we work so well together. Like last night…it was like a scripted play…

I arrive home after buying food for dinner, put it on the counter and wait for R. to arrive. R. arrives, gives me a kiss and gets all comfy. We then decide what to watch on the t.v. - it’s a consensus. I then go to make the aps I bought…in the meanwhile R. is filling up water glasses…I get the aps from the oven and R. gets all the sauces without me asking. We eat, then clean up and then while I’m heating up the soup, he’s grilling the bread. And the night goes on. We look like such an old married couple at times…thank God we’re not in many others ways!!!

Sports and Food…Food and Sports

This was overall a great weekend…full of sports and activities.

On Friday night we did next to nothing and went to bed around 10pm. It was GREAT! You know you are getting old when an early bedtime is a good thing…sigh. But I also had to get up at 7:30am so I could eat breakfast before heading to the hockey club. We had to meet by 8:30am to head to our 10:30am game…it took about 1 hour to get there and we dressed, talked and then warmed up. We won 2-0 (should have been 3-0 but one goal was called back). As I’m the goalie I was quite happy with the results! We’re in Div 1 and at the top of the league - woohoo! Just have to keep winning and we’ll be moved up to the Division!

We then relaxed on Saturday night - we cooked dinner for my flatmate and a friend. It was yummy! We (well mainly R.) made a chicken curry. Not too hot, not too mild…just right. It was fun to hang out with other people, have good food/drink & great conversation. Another decently early night.

Sunday I had cricket training. We went to indoor nets for the first time. It’ll happen once a month until we begin the outdoor season in May. I definitely decided that bowling is not for me and that I need to work on my batting. I really like it! But I’m quite sore today - haven’t used the arm muscles in a long while. Guess I know what I need to do at the gym tomorrow!!

The rest of the day was productive in some ways. R. cleaned the kitchen while I cleaned the bathroom - it’s good to have clean spaces. We still need to hoover the floors and organize the extra room, but there’s not hurry. We finished the evening with a cup of tea and a relaxing bath together. Ahhhh…then off to bed to have a good week. We’ll see what it hold for us both!

An intercultural mess

I can’t believe how things can go wrong…so very wrong…so very quickly. Last night I got a text from R. saying that he had to head back to his parents as his dad was feeling quite sick. And I encourage such visits. He returned though crying. He told me that he couldn’t give up his parents. That he needed them in his life. But that he still wanted me as well. That his parents won’t stand in the way but (he didn’t say this, but I inferred) that they still don’t approve. They asked him to ‘think’…to think about what would happen to our mixed culture kid, how would this affect the family as a whole, what would happen in the future if we divorced…they once again put thoughts into his head that are making him question the future. He says that he’s not questioning the future - but he IS. At one point he was ready to ask me to marry him…and he said that in a lot of ways he is ready…but obviously that means in some ways he’s not. I’m okay with having questions, but life isn’t always full of perfect answers. There AREN’T ANY FUCKING GUARANTEES IN LIFE!!!

So now we’re trying to find a therapist to help us. Just what we need right now - an added expense. I can barely save money to pay for our trip this summer…and now it’s going to go to counseling. But I guess it will be worth it. Sigh. I’m just so tired of being in limbo. I’m not sure how long I can deal with it.

He finally did it!!

R. finally told his parents that enough is enough. He told them that he would no longer tolerate emails dissing either him or me, that he would not put up with comments about the relationship or how it’s hurting the family. He told them that they had to accept that I will be part of his life forever. And they heard it. They accept that I will be his future wife. They don’t accept me, per se, or feel at this point that I will become part of their family…but R. thinks that it will come in the future. They may choose not to come to our wedding…but after we marry, he won’t go to his parents unless I’m welcome as well. So they now have to think a bit further as to what they will and won’t do…but he’s giving them that time.

So - while it was a tough evening for him (he came to visit me at my home, told me a few sentences and then went to his home to go to bed)…I think it will make life easier for him. And now that the pressure is off…he may feel more comfortable asking me to marry him (he knows he has limited time cause I won’t let this situation carry on for much longer…life’s too short and my ovaries aren’t getting any younger!). So…I feel a bit better today than I did earlier this week.

I’m also sending the letter I wrote to his parents. I got some feedback from friends as well as from R.. I hope that they actually read it - it’s a bit long but it is about my life so I’d hope it wouldn’t be too short. It certainly can’t hurt I don’t think!

Feeling a lot better today. It was good to sleep in a bit, rest, read a bunch and watch bad t.v. about searching for houses that I will never afford -or- want to live in. Hee!

I finished writing a letter to my future in-laws. It was quite cathartic actually. I wrote about my life, who I was & am, why I’ve made the choice to come to the UK (not cause my life was over in the US thank you very much) and why I so very much love and adore their son. It was good. I sent it to R. who I think is rather choked up and wants to talk to me at work - but he’s busy when I’m not and I’m busy when he’s not…but we’ll see each other soon enough or connect before the evening.

I’m (shocker) actually spending the night at my place tonight….albeit with R. I might even get some laundry done. My flatmate is happy about this but unfortunately has to go to a basketball game with her cheerleaders (we work together & she’s a cheerleading coach…and no she’s not brainless - she’s actually a math & technology teacher…so ha!). I hope she’ll be back before I fall asleep as I haven’t hung with her in ages. I think R. & I are cooking for her on Saturday night or Friday night so we’ll hang then! Plus we HAVE to go out for a drink some time soon!

And check out the flower that I was given for my birthday almost 3 weeks earlier. I’m so not the green thumb but somehow between my flatmate & myself - it’s gorgeous!!!